Admin Post

Feb. 26th, 2014 10:32 pm
bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
it has come to my attention that the letter "w" looks BLOODY AWFUL on my blog page, so we'll be making some cosmetic changes to this journal.

okay, carry on, friends. :D

EDIT: 2/27/14 08:33
aaaaand this design shows hyperlinks in the same colour as the base text and i don't have time to fix it...i'll take care of that later

New icons!

Nov. 14th, 2011 12:02 am
bowloffoxtrot: Gray, a paleskinned nonbinary person with glasses, wrapped in several blankets, wearing a hoodie, and holding up a book. (bookish)
 New icons new icons! Yaaay. :D

Read more... )

bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
 So, I will likely be moving my nude blog (not safe for work, nudity both sexual and nonsexual) to this account and wanted to know who amongst my followers here would like to view these pictures.
I'll filter them so that those who are disinterested need not be included.

Feel free to vote in the poll that is theoretically to be included in this post or send me a private message. Lack of communication will be taken as declining entry into the nude picture filter.

Edit: poll didn't include, editing it in now. Results should be viewable only to me, and no judgment for response one way or another.

Edit II: Fuck the democratic system, let's just screen comments.
Include you in the filter? Yes No How fantastic are you? Pretty fantastic and I love you a lot.
bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
And I just. Want this so badly, and how badly I want it scares me a little. And I'm worried about hurting people, making people jealous if we do fall in love with each other, because we're both in relationships already and one of the people (the one who introduced us, who we're both romantically involved with) has history of jealousy and abandonment fears, and doesn't always quite get that more love is just that, more love, that it doesn't take love away from them.

And it scares me for other reasons, because he has kids and I'm not sure how I feel about getting involved with a parent, because he's married and not entirely happily and I'm worried about being a wedge, because relationships and wanting things scare me a bit, because...

And then I'm around him, and we walk around a mall for four hours just talking, barely touching, just conversing, and it comes so easy, and we're blushy and giggly and smiling, and I can barely think of anything but how wonderful and amazing I think he is, and then he kisses me in a parking lot and drives away, and three hours later I still can't stop thinking about it, how much I want more kisses, how much I want more than kisses, how much I want a relationship and lots of consensual mutual nakedtimes.

I'm scared shitless, but I want this.
bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
I got a kiss today!

I wound up on a spontaneous date, and I got a kiss.

I think I might be falling a bit in love with you, sweetheart.

Gray

Mar. 24th, 2011 11:58 pm
bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
I've had this name for at most a month. Already I'm having to fight for it, fight to keep it, fight to be addressed by it, fight to have it spelled the way it's spelled.

I have fought for twenty-two years to have Hannah respected, yes with the H at the end, no not Anna or Anne or Heather, yes, it is spelled the same way backwards and forwards, I agree, palindromes are pretty cool.

And now, the same fight with a name I chose. Gray. Gray. Gray.

God, just typing it is making me a smidge teary-eyed. GRAY. It's my name. It has an a in it. It doesn't have an e. That was a conscious decision. That was a decision based on the fact that my brain spells the colour "grey," based on the translation "grace" from Hannah, the name I fought to be heard by for so long, the name that is a part of me no matter how dysphoric that makes me.

GRAY. With an A. Gray. Gray. Gray. Gray. Gray.

I don't have a last name yet, because my birth surname sounds terrible with things that don't sound strictly like names: it adjectivizes them. I've decided to use my birth surname as my middle name when I have a new one to replace it with, and until I do I'm officially still closeted under Hannah to most non-internet-only aquaintance people, and that is quickly becoming unbearable.

I've never suffered in the closet before, never been miserable here. I've been awarenedly queer for over three years, never outright said it offline unless somebody asked, and never been bothered by it. So it's strange for me to be openly genderqueer to myself for less than six months and about to explode every time I have to respond to Hannah. I mean, it makes sense, attraction for me just kind of is, while gender is performative, transitory (hence the name trans), it's just kind of a surprise.

So I need a last name. I need a last name, before I burst into tears for calling myself Hannah, for not feeling like I can correct people when they call me Hannah because I haven't given them an alternative.

I hate that paranoia that when I do come out, my transness will be blamed on my mental illnesses.
bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
Filling out job applications.

The current one's to a book store. One of the questions: What type of books and music do you enjoy?

You have no idea how hard it was to not just scrawl ALL OF THEM.
Why would you ask that!? It is such a hard question.

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bowloffoxtrot: Vertical rainbow background with yellow sparkles, the word niema/odpow/iedzi in black sanserif font. By Chally. (Default)
Gray Diyent

February 2014

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